Alright, the truth is my week was gruelling. Did I show up and fulfill my commitments? Did I show up and give the very best of myself? Did I slow down, in some cases STOP, to regroup, breathe, blink back tears and carry on? Were parts of my week incredibly rewarding? Were parts of my week so freaking exhausting that by the end of it I could barely see straight and every part of me ached? YES, YES, YES, YES, and YES. Did all of the above result in me arriving on my dear friend’s front steps, early Friday morning, a basket-case, knocking on the door, falling into dear friend’s arms and saying, “I need you today.”? GRATEFULLY, YES.
Embracing the day-to-day demands of life (joys too!) whilst attending to your healing and recovery can be both invigorating and downright draining. It is really, really hard work and what makes it so is, in the process of becoming clearer about your truth you begin to make choices, some subtle, some more profound, and slowly but surely life inevitably begins to shift. This is also when the rubber begins to meet the road and it becomes even more important to courageously hold tight to your truth. Why?
Because you are in what I like to call the in-between, that place where you feel yourself being compelled forward; this is an inspiring and liberating place, where you may even find others making decisions that result in extraordinary offerings unfolding around you, things that make you say, “Hey, I am absolutely on the right path here.” On the flip side of this, there is the devil you know, your past, and although you know it does not serve you well, there is a bizarre security in it, a false reality that insidiously draws you back into retreat mode. Tread carefully here; mindfully, kindly, patiently, and bravely. This is where you will be required to dig your deepest, to believe in yourself and your capacity to hold steadfast to your truth. If you are highly-sensitive or an empath this is going to demand everything you’ve got, as unfortunately you do not make decisions in a bubble and there may be some who feel lost or deeply hurt (despite your efforts to act with as much care and compassion as possible) by the changes within you and the actions you are initiating- unavoidable, collateral impact. It is here you may be inclined to not only hold the space for your own healing and recovery, but you may overwhelm yourself with sincere, heart-driven attempts to hold their experience too. DANGER. DANGER. DANGER. This is the red herring that landed me in dear friend’s arms early Friday morning.
And how did this dear friend respond? Open arms. Open heart. Open mind. No judgement. Accountability (so important). Love, lots of LOVE. And she shared the most relevant, powerful analogy with me. Listen up my Flight Attendant friends, you are really going to appreciate this; turns out your pre-flight announcements, AKA, life lessons are being heard loud and clear! Here it is…
“Julie, remember, the oxygen mask goes on you first and foremost. You are still healing, recovering, and regaining strength. Next is Ollie’s. He is still a young man and remains in need of your support, particularly as you move together through this part of your journey. And you will unquestionably be there for him. So yes, do take ownership and responsibility for your mask and Ollie’s too, but it’s time to let go and let others hold up their own oxygen mask, relative to their personal healing and recovery. You cannot carry or own everyone’s hurts and struggles. You simply do not have enough hands and it will break you in the process.”
With those words did I feel a weight lift from my shoulders? YES. Will it be easy to do? NO. Will I practice this diligently, so that I may continue to move forward into the light and into a better way of living and being in relationship with myself and others? YES. IT IS THE ONLY OPTION. You may recall, back in the early days of my recovery, my sharing my mantra with you; healing, recovery, healing, recovery…, with each and every step I took. Today as things within and around me shift, so too has my mantra; breathing in, BELIEVE, breathing out TRUST…believe, trust, believe trust…, over and over again, with each and every breath I take.
If you too find yourself hanging out in the in-between, its time to batten down the hatches beautiful, inspired human and hold steady as she goes. You may find yourself heading toward parts unknown and yes, that can be positively terrifying…I hear you, boy do I hear you! But this. THIS IS YOUR PENULTIMATE MOMENT. The moment you choose to believe with your whole heart that you are deserving of goodness and that pure magic awaits you in the Land of Unknown, not in the form of rainbows and unicorns (although that would be fun too-ha!ha!) but rather in the form of freedom and fulfillment; the reward of your tireless efforts, of not giving up or giving in, particularly when the deceptive pull of perceived “safety” feels a whole lot easier than nudging yourself forward into the adventure of really living your TRUTH. Do not look back, be here now, and BE UNAPOLEGETICALLY YOU.
Gratitude. Love. Namaste.
Dedicated to you my dear friend. Grateful beyond words. So much love.