When the sun shines and blue skies prevail I am irresistibly compelled to breathe and be outside. And being that the water temp is still on the chilly side for a date with my stand up paddleboard (SUP) today I opted for a walk in my new neighborhood. Everybody was out and about; walking, running, biking, playing, driving with windows wide open, hanging out on patios, motorcycles galore and smiles in abundance! You could almost hear the collective sigh out as the weight of the winter lifted off shoulders- PURE JOY.
Back in late December when I returned home from the hospital I made a point of walking as often as I could, meaning pretty much daily, despite the weather. Everything about it felt hard; mind and body were heavy and there were tears often. From the beginning to the end and with each step I recited the mantra…
“healing, recovery, healing recovery, healing, recovery…”
It felt like an effort in survival. However, moving vigorously, surrounded by nature, breathing in the fresh air, absorbing the Vitamin D, the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months and I could literally feel the slow, steady healing of my mind, body and soul. Today recovery feels real and I feel more like myself than ever; each layer gently peeled back and a more authentic me revealed. Is it scary? YES. Inspiring and exciting? BIGGER YES! The best part is I like her, I like the me I am becoming.
So today when I walked there was no heaviness, but rather a sense of lightness and optimism. There was no need for mantra, my mind was attentive to the energy surrounding me. I could look around at the hustle and bustle, the aliveness of it all, and feel happy and hopeful. When I walked by the water I dreamed of the warmer days ahead; floating on my SUP board, big blue skies above and soaking in the sunshine. Yes life has changed in a big way but I have the summer ahead to settle into a new home, routines, and community and I believe it is going to be amazing. I also believe the following statement with my whole heart. Recovery from depression and anxiety is possible with attentiveness to breath, mindfulness, kind movement (baby-toe steps), compassion, patience and a whole lotta love; not just simply surviving either, but THRIVING.
I wish this for myself, I wish this for you. Why? That’s easy. We are worth it.
Gratitude. Love. Namaste.